Moon is on the Rise
I’m writing this having just passed the zenith of a very full moon. That’s not something I would have paid attention to just a few years ago. And a decade ago I don’t think I ever really thought about the moon having phases. I didn’t look at the moon. It didn’t factor into my daily life. I spent most of my twenties and thirties feeling like the protagonist in my own film. Full of power in my world, but lacking power in myself. Everything seemed to go ‘right’ because I willed it to, even if I felt unmoored within me. So much has rocked me to the core in the last half decade. Pandemic, motherhood, health crises, job loss, financial insecurity…I’ve had to reach deep within myself to find the resources to meet challenges I couldn’t have anticipated. I now feel humbled about the little power I carry in this world, but have discovered so much more power within my own self. I understand the significance of a safe harbor.
And so the moon helps anchor me. I watch it waxing and waning. I invite my body to match its rhythms. I notice the emotions and urges that fluctuate in me as this process unfolds each month. I understand that my biggest strength is knowing myself and knowing where to nurture trusted resources. I feel smaller, and bigger. Full of respect and awe.
I am what is called a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). I feel things in a very big way, I notice energy shifts quickly, I anticipate conflict and its fallout. I will be processing before most, and still processing after most have finished. It can be a heavy load, but I have also discovered it to be one of my greatest strengths. I cannot leave well enough alone if something is bothering me, and something is almost always bothering me. I will question, dig deep, roll around with many possibilities until I can quell whatever storm is brewing in me. It’s turbulent, yes, but it also means I have found what it takes for me to make peace within myself and achieve a deep sense of balance and purpose.
It is this wrestling that has held me back from everything I sensed I wanted to do for most of my life. Work in wellness, help people, understand different cultures and religions, support others as they seek deeper meaning…the themes have always been the same, but what exactly was I supposed to do with all this? I wasn’t content with doing something that felt halfway right. So I gathered the pieces of each of these passions and kept wrestling with the big questions. How do I help people in a way that really matters? That really has always been the biggest question.
I wound my way through teaching, through social work, through volunteering, considered psychotherapy, then bodywork. Nothing was everything I wanted it to be. And then I became a mother, and became a mother again. Two beautiful little girls and my world cracked open. I understood that to help people most fully, you need to offer yourself, most fully. Just like the long nights awake with babies, and the long days of laundry, cooking, and childcare, there is no thing better than loving presence. We are healthy and we heal most fully when someone holds us close.
So now I sit with the moon and listen to my own rhythms. I give myself that loving presence as practice, then give that loving presence to my girls, and to the wider world. I’m learning how to hold space deeply and give that gift to another person. And I know that the more we learn to meet each other in those spaces, the stronger we are in this world.
